Im saying bye now.

Because i know that you are about to say something that’ll really break my heart.

I’m going to write a movie, where a couple who is madly in love, break up. Not because they want to, but because they know it’s for the best. It will eat her heart and drive her insane. They never get back together. That’s the happy ending. She pretends to move on. And lives the rest of her life without him. She ignores him in coffee shops. She hides behind new papers when he walks by. She doesn’t pick up his phone calls. And her friends tell him she’s doing fine when he asks about her. She goes home and locks herself in her room and crys through the darkest hours of night. But he never gets her back. That’s a beautiful story.

I’ve always thought in some weird way, we’d be together. I thought all the fighting would bring us closer. You’ve twisted my mind so much. That it has the sick thought that the lying and cheating, the yelling and cursing, shaking, jealousy would be exactly what makes us work. Now I know that I can not let myself think these mad thoughts. These things don’t help us, that break my spirits. The make me think I am worth nothing. Nothing at all. It hasn’t made us stronger, it has made me weak. I have allowed you to break me for so long. I can’t do it to myself anymore. I can’t keep relying on the thought of us being together “some day” because I am well aware that it will never happen. Not tomorrow , never. I am setting myself free. I am done relying on the thought of you. I am giving god these struggles. Some day I will be happy, with someone who is everything I hoped you would be. I can wait.